Summer Job..Ooh Ya!

Dear Friends,
You keep telling me to “think outside the box” when it comes to creating summer employment for myself.
I think I’ve come up with something.
So just one question before I type up my business plan:
How much are you willing to pay me to not-talk like Russell Oliver all summer?

Now before you answer, let me first remind you that I am no Rich Little. Remember the summer I tried to talk like Paul McCartney; misquoting lines from the touching epic “Yellow Submarine" and getting all in your face with that song “Michelle”. Recall how when I lost my train of thought (which is a small train at best) I slipped into that slutty cockney accent that indirectly got us booted out of “ladies Night” at Gords’.

Having said that, imagine how annoying it will be next time we meet and I offer to “turn your kids into cash”. Oh Ya!

You’re going to hate that.

So what’s it worth to ya?

Huh??

I know you got tired of me saying “a jolly rancher is not a sprinkle” in that really unauthentic “Apu” voice I half heartedly attempt. That’s something to keep in mind next time you’re stopping at the ATM.

It’s not like my rendition of Russell is going to be any better. I probably won’t practice it before I use it in public and I am not even hell bent on quote him correctly. Remember, my standards are not all that high and I’m no perfectionist. (You do know I used face-cloths as dish towels and vice-versa right?) Okay, well as long as we’re clear. I can’t promise my summer-long impersonation will be funny. I can only promise it will get on your nerves. OH YAA!

Before you dismiss this as another Kathy-esque pie- in- the -sky get rich quick scam- like my ongoing 30 year fling with the music business (and that time I worked at Zehrs), let me say in my defence that desperate times call for desperate measures and “I’LL BUY YOUR USED JEWELRY NO QUESTIONS ASKED!”

So think about it pal, and let me know how much to put you down for.

If you’d rather not, that’s okay too.

I won’t be mad and I’ll still come to your she-she-foo-foo dinner party next month. I’ll be the one dressed as the “Loan Arranger.”